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Monthly Archives: December 2009

I’m alive.
I’ve had a lot going on lately, though, so not much time for thinking about spiritual things – even if I was doing them anyway. (Like the extremely intense and lengthy card reading I did today! I would post my notes on it, but they contain some rather private info; suffice to say that it told me a lot and got me thinking about a lot more, including my interpretations of several cards because I went off intuition and didn’t even have my notes with me.)
I’ve been doing the pages and have also been writing a story for my own version of NaNoWriMo as my senior project.
I’ve also cancelled the site at crimsonchaos.net. Instead, you can now find a blog of mine at whatwouldgloriado.co.cc and my renamed podcast at crimsoncast.co.cc. I’ll be updating my links accordingly very soon.

Haven’t taken much time to work with the elements as SC101-2 asked, but once I get the messes I’m in sorted out I will! I will do it! Heh.

Busy busy, gotta make the last of my cookies tonight, so I’ll get on all my busifulness.
Ttfn!

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I just thought I’d let everyone know that I have a new email address at tay.dav.19@gmail.com so if you happen to get email from there, it’s not spam, it’s just Crimson, heh.

Inspired by Feithline’s list of things she does well (SpiritsCast 6) and my own feeling dumpy and needing cheering up, I’ve decided to list my own set of skills. =D

Things I Do Well, by Taylor. Er, Crimson. Er, whoever I am.

  • I am absolutely fantastic at learning the lyrics to songs and remembering them forever once I get them down.
    I haven’t heard Dream Theater’s “Another World” in years, but I was singing it like I had just heard it in the shower the other day. I can also belt out “Hotel California” any time I want, and about six million Green Day songs.
  • I’m damn good at scrubbing things when I put my mind to it.
    I cleaned the little metal things under the stove eyes today. All the gunk and gook and baked-on blackened shite? I got it off. Yep. Go me! (Took off enough nail polish, too, but that’s easily fixed.)
  • I’m great at understanding math.
    I’m the first one in my calculus class to understand what he’s teaching us and everyone else always comes to me for help. I also think up other ways of doing or writing the problems, and get them right. (“Isn’t multiplying by x to the negative fifth the same as dividing by x to the fifth?”)
  • I’m top notch at coming up with insane characters.
    Case in point, Lord Adamon Diast, necromancer son of Death who has a history of indiscriminate rape and murder on his hands and plans to kill his own father on his mind. Sheah. He’s nuts.
  • I can toss a simple short story together in about a half hour.
    It might not have a conclusion, but I’ve done some damn good work with flash fiction before.
  • I am a master of procrastination.
    It might wait, but it does get done, and it gets done damn good.
  • I’m really good at visualization.
    I used to be even better; I could visualize entire scenes as if I was there, hearing, seeing, and feeling everything, with my eyes open. (I like to joke with myself that losing my virginity took that power from me, but it was actually laziness and lack of practice.)
  • I like learning.
    Which is good, ’cause I’ve got 8-10 years of college ahead of me!
  • I wrote an insanely fantastic description of a character the other day.
    He was a very fat angry man. I conveyed this brilliantly with a very nice selection of adjectives.
  • I am not addicted to drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes.
    Unlike a surprisingly large amount of people I know. Yay me!
  • I do not sleep with a large amount of people to try and boost my feelings of self-worth. I understand that it wouldn’t accomplish that goal anyway, and do other things, like write insanely fantastic descriptions of characters and make up words.
  • I do not suffer from a need to plaster my face with every kind of make up there is to make myself look “beautiful”. I accept the way I look naturally, whether I happen to like the face in the mirror or not at that particular time.
    (Ever notice how some – or most? – people can look beautiful sometimes and ordinary or even ugly other times? I am definitely one of those people. And that’s fine.)
  • I accept the fact that I do not know everything!
    (Even if I don’t always like to admit when I’m wrong about something.)
  • I enjoy my varied taste in music, even if some people think most of it “sucks”.
    (I don’t understand how my taste in music can suck to Person A when I like all of the same things Person A does, but apparently additionally liking things Person A does not equates to suckage?)
  • I don’t suffer from sleeping troubles. I used to know so many insomniacs, and I may possibly have been one for a long time, so this is more significant than it might seem.
  • I can code in HTML and CSS and some rudimentary PHP. Not many people that I know personally can do this, so it makes me feel kinda special.
  • I’m stubborn. Er, determined. That means that once I decide I’m gonna do something, goddammit, I’m fuckin’ doing it!
  • I’m a fair person, a moderator. (I probably blame this on me being a Libra far more than can actually be credited.) I am able to end arguments (between others) with a single sentence. Hussah!
  • I do not fall prey to the Chocolate Monster. Too much chocolate makes me feel sick. I know when to stop myself, and while that makes me weird among people I know, I think it’s awesome.
  • I am able to think up creative and innovative uses for random objects, like the two halves of a broken salad dish.
    (Putting these ideas into practice is a bit more difficult…)
  • I am able to notice interesting and/or amusing connections between things easily.
    Whether or not such a connection actually exists is often irrelevant, as the main purpose for me doing this is to amuse myself and, sometimes, to help myself remember something.
  • I can eat a whole from-freezer pizza by myself.
    …wait, that’s not a good thing…
  • I can come up with interesting and emotionally meaningful song lyrics. =D
  • I’m a fast reader. Always have been.
  • Speaking of reading, I’ve been doing so since the age of three. That’s something cool.
  • My handwriting does not totally suck!
  • But my signature is unique and unreproducible.
  • I can recognize similarities and “whys” in language easily. (For example, why “unreproducible” is not spelled with an “a”.)
  • I enjoy filling out forms, also known as doing paperwork. Because most people hate doing paperwork, I personally think this is something that makes me a valuable person.
  • …in fact, I enjoy many things that other people find boring and tedious, like research and replacing doorknobs and installing shelving.
  • On that note, I’m a pretty good handiperson, as long as I have instructions or have done the job before.
  • And even if I haven’t and don’t, I can still usually figure out how to do whatever the job is that needs to be done.
  • When I clean, I do so thouroughly.
    This has pissed off a few bosses of mine in the past, because apparently I took too long to do the cleaning, but fuck them, that shit was clean when I got done with it. Not like when the other crewpeople would “clean” and leave the mirrors dirty or leave cigarette butts all over the parking lots. Sure, I spent an hour out there sweeping all the trash up, but I got every last damn piece.
  • When we do warm ups in gym class, I do those fuckers. I get something out of it.
    It’s nice.
  • I’m not terrible at cooking. I can make breaded chicken in wine sauce. And teryaki steak.
  • I can remember lines of books and poems I haven’t read or heard in years.
  • Speaking of, I have a good memory for random snippets of things in general.
    For example, did you know that Connecticut was founded by a Puritan reverend named Thomas Hooker, who did so because he was pissed off at how the other Puritans were running Massachusetts?
    Or that the name “Sylvester” means “silver woods”?
    Or that Rob Zombie once covered the Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop“? (It’s actually really good.)
    Or that Tim Allen’s real last name is Dick?
  • I can play the bass line to Green Day’s “Hitchin’ a Ride“.
    Not that it’s hard, it’s actually really easy, I just enjoy the fact that I can do it.

Well, I think that’s enough, at least for now. I feel much better and you know more about me than you did. (Including how egotistical I am. Ugh.)

The title line is from Rise Against’s “Under the Knife,” another excellent tune.

So, in 101-2, we are given an exercise, to examine what things we take for granted in our beliefs. Obviously, this isn’t a one-shot deal, but let us say that this post is a beginning to my thought on such things.

So let’s just get into it.

One thing that I have come to accept in my belief is that water is an element of emotions.  I remember where I first came across the idea and when I first realized I believed it.
The idea was first presented to me in Kerr Cuhulain’s Full Contact Magick, a book I didn’t get much but a lack of respect for sai Cuhulain out of.
I first came to accept the idea, completely and totally, one day when I was walking home from school. I had Ariel’s Witch’s Primer on and was listening to (and following along with) the elemental meditation, and when I got to the water part… I can only say that it was intensely powerful, and that I probably looked like a total moron, standing on the sidewalk with my eyes closed, crying. I knew, knew for a fact, no doubt at all, that water was absolutely connected to emotions.
To be perfectly honest, before this idea, I had absolutely nothing to attribute to water. I felt, air was ideas and thoughts, earth was bodily and corporeal things, fire was passion and action and will, but water was just… I had nothing.

What else?
Directions, I guess. (Northern hemisphere, o’course.) North = earth, south = fire, east = air, west = water.
I’m not sure if I totally agree with it, I just don’t think about it. To be honest, the compass designations don’t have much place in my life at all. Sure, they’re useful when I’m looking at a map…but that doesn’t really happen often. If I had to pick, I’d follow a system of something like, “before, beneath, within,” before being both before in time and before me physically; that would be earth. Beneath would be both literally beneath me and metaphorically what’s underneath, or my motivation for doing things; that would be fire (the “fire under my ass,” so to speak). Within would be my thoughts and emotions and obviously would be both water and air.

And I’m not sure what else. Like I said, this is an ongoing thing. Or, as they say in the comic book industry,
TO BE CONTINUED…

Oh, and the title of this post is probably my favorite line from Rise Against’s “Prayer of the Refugee,” which is an amazing song.

Stamp of Azerbaijan
Image via Wikipedia

My, my, my. So it’s December. And I’ve got far too much swirling around in my brainical processes. Deep breath, -deep breath noises-, swig of coffee, -slurping noises-.

I’ve got Lennon‘s Christmas song (I forget its title) swishing back and forth in my head, threatening to drown out poor Meadow Moon, whose third episode I’m listening to. As that little FoxyTunes banner says down there at the bottom.

I’m tired. I really shouldn’t be, but it’s more than just physical tiredness, I think. I’m tired of everything. I keep thinking, “Is this depression?” And to be honest, I’m kind of scared of the answer. I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t have time to be depressed. I don’t have reason to be depressed. This hasn’t, to memory, happened before, so why’s it happening now?

My hormones have decided they hate me, as well. The problem with that is that ordinarily the solution for that is for my doctor to prescribe birth control pills…….and I’m already on them. I’m 18, for god’s sake. Can’t my body wait to hate me until I’m older? Until something like this wouldn’t scare the living hell out of me?
Until it wouldn’t remind me of how my grandmother had to have a hysterectomy at 25 and make me think, “I won’t be ready to have children by then like she did, I’ll be in college still.” Goddammit, I want to be a mother. I’m too young and ambitious for it right now, but I want to bear children someday. My body, with it’s wide hips and stout legs, is built for it, has been since I was twelve. My mind has only very recently begun to take to the idea, but it’s taken to it like a leech to an open sore, and has no intentions of letting go.

…I haven’t told anyone any of this yet. And I’m sitting here on a beautiful snowy Sunday afternoon crying my eyes out for apparently no reason.
And thinking, “God, there’s something wrong with me.”

I have to get off this topic. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, guys.

Moving on;
I haven’t done much work with the website “issues” I talked about last time in the past few days. I did get some pretty basic templates done for the four major sections/sites I plan to launch, which are: a personal blog and writing area called, “What Would Gloria Do?” or “WWGD”; a space for my (as of yet barely started) musical work under the name Midnight Magic; a section called “Locked & Loaded” that will actually be my place to post my beginning research and work on my future book about Spiritual Gunslingerism; and a space for the newly renamed CrimsonCast. I wanted to incorporate some spiritual themes throughout, and kind of associated each with one of the four elements. WWGD associates with fire, for various reasons including but not limited to the fiery riot-like nature of Gloria herself and the firey passion that incorporates into writing, or at least my writing. Midnight Magic I associated with water, because of the emotional nature of music and my own in particular. L&L is very earthy, because it’s about incorporating ideas into the corporeal and also because I very much associate gunslingers in general with a desert which is the epitome of bare earth to me. And CrimsonCast, with its intentions of communication, thought, and mindfulness, is of course air. I tried to incorporate related colors into the templates I worked on, although Gloria specifically requested black and red for the site that bears her name. L&L used brown, green, and orange; MM used purple and some blue; and CrimsonCast used red and pink (while not specifically “air” colors – which may be more like yellows and beiges – they fit and, hey, I used pink! Be happy! Lol.)

I’ve been cracking open the magicky pagan books I happen to have (and trying to get myself to ask for ownership of my mother’s old books) as well. A list of what I have, for the curious (and please don’t laugh, I didn’t buy all of them myself):
– Silver Ravenwolf: To Ride a Silver Broomstick, To Light a Sacred Flame, and Teen Witch
– Scott Cunningham: Encyclopedia of Herbs*, Wicca, and Living Wicca*
– Phyllis Curott: Book of Shadows*
– Anton LaVey: The Satanic Bible*
– Amber K: True Magic
– Diana Paxton: Essential Asatru
– Richard Metzger: The Book of Lies* (No, not Crowley’s, heh)
– D.J. Conway: Little Book of Candle Magic* and Celtic Magic*
The purple titles are the ones I bought myself and the asterisk’d titles are those I have not finished reading yet. (Cunningham’s Encyclopedia I have technically read through all the way, but of course you flip through afterward because you forget these things.)

I’m trying to think up topic(s) for my next podcast episode. I’m leaning at current towards a discussion of Satanism, probably because I’ve started picking up Mr. LaVey again after a few months of having lost the book (bad Taylor!). Ehh, I dunno.

I’m gonna end this post and start two new ones, hahaha. Those shallt be (inspired by Feith): Those things I take for granted in magic/paganism, especially in regards to elements; and; my own personal skill set, or, “What the hell am I good at?!” That second might make me feel a little better, eh?

“And so, merry Christmas, and a happy new year; let’s hope it’s a good one, without any fear…”

—————-
Now playing: MeadowMoon – Episode 3
via FoxyTunes