Okay. Okay. I’m not dead. Promise.
I’ve just been busy. Doing what? Well… Nothing huge of value to anyone but me.
I’ve been doing the morning pages almost every day (weekends are still messing with me).
Last Saturday I went to a college football game at the college I’m planning on attending (Penn State), and they won, woo!
And apparently I’m going to the winter semiformal dance this year. John and I had decided not to go, but his cousins have other plans, it seems.
They’re both in their 20’s and out of college (and they both went to the college I’m planning to attend, haha), and they’ve decided that we are going to that dance, whether we like it or not! Lol! They’re paying for it. All of it. The younger cousin, Rachel, is letting me wear one of her dresses (that looks fantastic on me) and bought me shoes and was talking about jewelry and hair appointments and so on.
I’m kind of being weird about this, mostly because I’m not used to people being that nice to me, or doing that much for me. The cynic in me is going, “Why the hell are they doing this for you?” But, I figure I’m just going to shut up, thank them lots, and enjoy it.
Er, besides all that… I dunno. I’ve been working on a WordPress theme that’ll match my Blogger theme at the mo’, to set up a “Locked and Loaded” on my own server as a third strain for absolutely no reason other that I’m damn weird about that.
I’ve been thinking a lot about a secret project, but shhh… If you keep it quiet I’ll tell you…
About two or three years ago, back when I was A) deep into writing and B) angsty at my parents, I came up with an interesting fellow. His name was Alexander and he went by the moniker “Andi”. He had long blond hair and was basically a gothic computer genius with shitty-but-rich parents.
Okay, but what’s the project? Am I planning on writing a book on him? Well, not really. I’m already working on a non-fiction about my path, and getting slightly burned out on that. This is something fresh that I’ve never tried before: Webcomic artistry. Now, I’m not sure if it’s going to be funny – Andi is a cynical smartass, but not a comedian by any means. I’m not even sure what it’s going to be about, beyond this one kid. But I have the layout sitting here in my head and I cannot, cannot pass this up. I just can’t. My me won’t let me. I’m not sure what I mean by “my me” here – not Gloria; she wants me to do creative things but wouldn’t make me do them. No, it’s something deeper that is driving this impulse – maybe my center of creativity itself?
I should definitely meditate on this! If I could get myself to meditate at all…
My problem with doing these things that I mean to do – which include but are not limited to: meditation, journalling/blogging, card pulls (to a lesser extent), stonework, painting, recording, class projects – is that I get caught up in doing something else. Always! It’s my curse to be so easily distracted. And then all of a sudden it’s 10 or 11 at night and I’m tired and sitting there going, “Fuck! I was supposed to do this and this and this and I didn’t do any of it!” And I get frustrated with myself.
I think some of it is related to John in certain ways – I don’t want to ask him for time to myself. I’m not sure why, I just don’t want to do it, ever. So if I’m talking to him, I’m not doing these other things that I mean to. Or I’ll get hung up doing something I can do while talking to him, like Stumbling or template coding or something that either I don’t need to do or I could save for a later time.
I’m going to try to sort this out. I haven’t been, and I know it.
I need to edit the purpose page, heh. This is turning into more of a blog than I expected, filled with more of my personal life that I expected, and to be honest I don’t really see anything wrong with that. So. I will change it.
Time to go get my laundry out of the wash and hang it. To steal a phrase from the always-awesome Tigger, TTFN!